my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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