i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
