Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
