they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
