i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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