a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
