the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
