Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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