good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
