Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
