Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
