I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize