how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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