Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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