i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
