Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
