Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
