when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize