They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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