I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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