I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Someone signed my nipple.
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