On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
