Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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