I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
