I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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