We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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