that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You ruined the universe
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
