if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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