But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
