I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize