I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
