I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
