I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
