he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
