4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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