mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
