gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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