Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
