shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
