It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
