thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just invented taco cereal.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
