God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
