can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
