i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
