And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
