No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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