Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His hands were made for my vagina.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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