at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
