i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize