He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
