I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
