just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
