1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize