I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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