This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
