apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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