I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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