Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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