Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
