i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
