I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im six kinds of drunk right now
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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