So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
