I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
