i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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