Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
