K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
