I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're a waste of cheezeits
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
