Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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