I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
