my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
