Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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