You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
