So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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