Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
