All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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