I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
