Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
