I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
