Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
