OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I could fuck to npr.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
