Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
