Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
