I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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