So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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