I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
