sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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