Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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