life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
